Natural propensity for stupidity

I regret a lot of things.

They sit like heavy little weights in the soles of my feet, dragging me down and pushing my bones into painful positions.  Some days they are hot like a brilliant star, scorching my nerve endings and bringing tears to my eyes. Other days, they are like ice pellets, cooling the pain and dulling the desire to turn back time.

I won't cut them out.  They are a part of my body.
I'm tempted to take a knife to the skin and cut them out.
Release each small regret into the vibrations of spacetime.


But they are a part of my body.
They are the things that tell me to never go back.  They are the things that connect me to this earth.  They are the things which won't let me forgive.  They are the things which keep me going.

I will never love someone like you again.
I will always take the chance to say I love you.
I will go into the unknown, so others don't face death alone.
I will never eat walnuts.
I will never let words hold me down.
I will never stay just because it feels like a social expectation.
I will never allow myself to take the fall for the pitiful and weak.
I will make it a point to apologize.




If I release those regrets--if I stop regretting them--what happens to them?  They become powerless.  They become not-me.
But they are me.
I need them.
They are a fuel source.


When I excuse things away and stop regretting them, I get complacent.  I burrow down deep into the earth and stop caring about me.  I allow my regrets to grow because I am only caught up in the act of excusing the mistakes I made.



I will not grab the knife and cut out the regret.
I will not be the person I used to be.
I will not be another person's mistake.

I will cling to these regrets and use them.

It's an explosion of soul.

It's time to reboot.
I will never make the same mistake again.
And trust me, it was a mistake.